I named this blog dark and dirty because it comes from the darkest and dirtiest places in my life. The darkest and dirtiest things I had to experience, things that I do not wish on anyone.
You have no idea how hard it is to write about all the feelings I worked so hard to bury deep down, feelings I thought I would never have to revisit, memories I worked so hard to forget. But when I look at my daughter, and I see your smile, I know my days are numbered. And I watch her grow every year, waiting for the day she’s going to ask about you. What do I tell her? How could I possibly let her know the world is so ugly out there. How could such a disgusting human being help make such an amazing gift. And then I look her again and think how strong I have become for her, because of her, and how I will stop at nothing to protect her.
You have no idea how hard it is to let the world know I was a victim of something so terrible, to be vulnerable to everyone who reads this. To let everyone know what’s under the tough shell I spent so much of my time building, so no one could ever hurt me again. But no matter how hard it was, and how hard it still is, I can only hope someone reading this finds the answers they are looking for, finds the strength to walk away from anyone or anything that is toxic.
And if nothing more than something to read, I invite you to take a look into my crazy life. Enjoy.